The Things That Carry Me

~This is a poem inspired by Tim O'Brien's, "The Things They Carried," for English class. I hope you like it.~

Music booming out from behind,

From the speakers of the bag,

Which holds the things that I carry;

My favorite demons and dolls,

Trapped in the binding plastic,

Which holds the things that I carry;

Scribbles of old words,

Laid neatly on a line,

Which holds the things that I carry;

Music, movies, games, work,

All within the monitor,

Which holds the things that I carry;

Old and new loves,

Fighting away in my chest,

Which holds the things that I carry;

Truths and lies of my friends,

Swirl around through my mind,

Which holds the things that I carry;

Music a mere 17 grams,

Demons only 23,

Scribbles about 41 grams,

Love weighs in a hefty 89,

Friends 306 grams,

For they are the ones that carry me.

Nicole: Chapter Five

*This is the fifth and final chapter of Nicole. Thank you guys so much for all your support. This is my first story to ever truly finish and i couldn't have done it without all of your support. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.*

~Dedicated to my sweet big sister Tinklebella~

Chapter Five

            Back in that white room… tied down this time… for “random outbursts of psychotic rage.” Well of course, I was furious. Hyde had gone way too far this time. I hate being in hospitals, no good TV. Nothing but news. And being tied down, I’m trapped here with him… I hate him. I just wish he would die. I’ve been stuck in here with him for four days. When will this end?

            God the news is so boring, but I might as well watch. There’s nothing else on. And it’s all the same thing over and over again. Some poor old lady got ripped off in a credit scam, a car thief is on the loose, a dog got ran over, war in other countries, a dead girl found at the bottom of a river. A river that was in waking distance from the hospital.

            I was about to turn off the TV all together but they showed a picture of the girl. My face was the one to turn white this time. The girl in the river, it was Nicole…

            “About frickin’ time! It was a waste of life anyways!” Hyde blurted out. I was too stunned to even yell back at him. Nicole…she…jumped…I can’t believe it…

            The reporter introduced a witness and he said that he saw Nicole standing on the railing of the bridge, staring at the water, muttering something that he couldn’t hear. He was about to call out to her but she began to climb down from the rail but stopped and began coughing uncontrollably. He rushed over to her to help but her foot slipped out from under as she coughed, causing her to fall off and into the water.

            “I’m glad the sick abomination is dead! One less freak in the world.” That was the last straw. I shook the bed violently, rocking it back and forth as I tried to break free from the restraints. Tugging at the restraint once more with all the strength I had, I flipped the bed over, hitting my head when it crashed. The last thing I saw before blacking out was a stampede of nurses rushing into the room.

             She was the love of my life. My entire world revolved around her. Everything was perfect. Well, until that day came. The day everything changed. The day I lost my life.

In the five years that I knew her, we were together for three of those years. And in those five years we only had one single fight. And that was the only fight we would ever have. That was the last fight we could ever have. And that night, that god forsaken night, was my last chance to tell her I loved her, and it’s all his fault…

Most couples wouldn’t even consider that a fight, just a disagreement; but for us, it was a fight, and we never even had a chance to make up… I hate Hyde. I want to kill him. I want him gone for good, and soon I will make that a reality.

Two months have passed since that night, and Hyde has done nothing but insult Nicole’s memory. I’m sick and tired of it. I’ve been living day by day as a sloth, if you call this living. I haven’t left the dorm once. Skipping class every day and staying in bed. Dad stopped by one day though. It almost made me smile, but he brought a shrink with him…he told me I should write about my feelings. Use writing as an outlet. So here I am. Laying here in bed with a computer, typing this, crying all the while.

I miss her so much. With every letter I type, every word the crosses the page, I can see her standing there beside me, smiling at me with that simple but honest smile of hers. The smile I fell in love with. Even now, she’s standing beside me, still smiling. Her lips move as if to say, “I love you Jasper,” but nothing comes out. I will never hear those words from her again.

“No, you won’t. So shut up and suck it up. The freak is dead, get over it!” I’m done with him. That is the last thing Hyde will ever say.

Even though I tried killing myself back in high school, Dad still thought that it would be a good idea to give me a gun as a graduation present. He said it was for “protection”, be was the only one that truly understood how I felt, because he also has someone else living in his head. We both knew what that gun was really for because before I moved out he hugged me really tight and told me, “I love you, son.” And it wasn’t one of those going off to college hugs I got from Mom. It was as if I was leaving for war.

The gun is loaded and sits next to me as I type. My doctor thinks I’m venting my feelings, but this is actually my goodbye. I love you Nicole.

That idiot. He actually believed a bullet to the head would kill me! Yeah it put me in the hospital for seven frickin’ months but I’m here to stay! Now the two freaks can be together forever in hell while I have my fun. And oh look, his dad is here. And so is his gun.

Nicole: Chapter Four

           We ended up falling asleep on that couch about half way through the fourth movie. Waking up just before ten Nicole panicked. She had a class that started in an hour. We hugged right before she rushed to her car so she could go to her apartment to get ready. I stood around and decided to pick up the take out containers from last night then go shower because I had an Art class to get to at one. I don’t even know why I took that class. I can’t draw to save my life. Yeah I like to paint and stuff but it never turns out the way I want. I’m already dreading college and I’m only a freshman, yet I am so glad that I am here. This will be an interesting year.

            In art I couldn’t concentrate. My mind was just all over the place. Thank god that was my only class that day. I ended up pulling out a pen and started writing. Nothing in particular. I just began to write and see want came out. Most of my best work came that way. I wrote until I found something I liked and branched off of that. What I ended up with was this:

She flies across the Sky;

Like She flies across my heart;

Mesmerized by each flap of her wing;

Majestic this tiny Bird is;

My heart knows nothing but Her;

For She has captured it;

This Bird has flown strong and proud;

Through the darkest of skies;

And these skies I watch Her fly;

Forever and ever more will I try to fly;

Right by this Bird’s side.

            I couldn’t help but think of Nicole, she was my first and only girlfriend.

            We had been dating for six months. Things were amazing. We got along perfectly. Not a single fight. A few debates on which Doctor from Doctor Who was the best but that was as close as we got to a fight. And to make things even better, I still haven’t heard a word from Hyde. I couldn’t help but worry though because this is the longest he was gone, and I wasn’t about to get my hopes up and start thinking he was gone for good. I know better than that.

            One day I went to class per usual but she wasn’t there. It was completely strange, she was always on time to class. No, she was always the first one in the door. The only person that was there before her was our professor. I slowly walked over to my chair and sat down. I was just thrown off. Just completely caught off guard and the one constant of my daily schedule was gone. I simply sat there while Professor Biles lectured on about god knows what. After class had ended I went back to my dorm. Why not? I don’t have anything better to do.

            Nicole called me about an hour later. “Hey.”

“Hey, where were you today?”

“Yeah sorry, I’m in the hospital. And before you freak out, I’m fine.”

“Then why are you in the hospital?” I inquired.

“Oh, just getting my antibiotic and doing my treatments.”

“Can I come visit you?”

“Of course you can! I would be hurt if you didn’t.” She said playfully.

“Could I come right now?”

“Only if you want to meet my parents.”

“Um…well…” I started. “How long are they gonna be there?”

“They just got here love.” Nicole replied. She was worried I wouldn’t come. I could hear it in her voice.

“Oh, okay…” I acted disappointed. “Well, I’ll let you go then.”

“Alright. I’ll text you when they leave.”

“Okay, I love you Nicole.”

“I love you too Jasper.” She replied before hanging up the phone. I immediately buried my cell phone in my pocket and rushed out the door. I jumped on my motorcycle and headed straight for the hospital. I wanted to show up and surprise her.

            While pulling up to a stoplight I felt something strange. Something I hadn’t felt in a while. Oh no, please god no. Not today. Please not today.

            “Hey idiot! Guess who’s back!” Hyde screamed at the top of my lungs and turned the throttle hard, sending my bike into the middle of the intersection. Sending me directly in the path of a monstrous eighteen-wheeler.

            I woke up in a hospital room, dazed into a state resembling a drunken stupor. A nurse was standing next to the bed writing something on her clipboard.

            “Oh you’re awake. I’ll go get the doctor.” She left the room before I could stay anything. The doctor was in the room surprisingly fast.

            I spoke as soon as he entered the room. “How long was I out?”

            “A couple of hours. You hit your head pretty good.” I asked him what room Nicole was in. “She’s right down the hall to the left but you’re in to condition to we walking around just yet.”

            “Then get me a wheelchair. I need to talk to her.”

“But sir you can’t just yet.” The doctor tried to refute.

“Please, I need to see her now.” I protested.

“I’ll go see what I can do.” The doctor walked out but didn’t come back, but I only waited about five minutes. I crawled out of the bed and clung to the wall for support because my leg was broken. I staggered across the hall to her room. Turning into the door she was the first thing I saw. Our eyes locked and a huge smile began to form on my face, only to disappear half way through.

“This is all your fault.”

“W-what…?” Nicole’s face went pail.

“This is all your fault! If you hadn’t been sick I wouldn’t be here! You disgust me!” She began to walk towards me, shaking terribly, unable to speak. “Get away from me! You’re going to get me sick, you infected freak!” She froze where she stood and the life drained from her eyes. She slowly slumped lifelessly out of the room and down the hall. “You’re welcome Jekyll.”

Suddenly I found myself on the floor in siring pain. Realizing what had just happened, a roar erupted from the pit of my stomach. “HYDE!!!!!”

Daemon Walker: Chapter One (Revised)

Dangling from this decrepit wire I hang; for the sins of my father I must pay. Dangling here in the darkness I weep; weeping for the light that I seek. The scars burn from the blood of the past. Dangling over the wretched fire, suspended in this endless night. I have suffered nothing this be true; for tomorrow he will rip me anew.

           

In the cool, windy summer of 1954, little 16 year old, Catherine Grey sat under the big oak tree in the yard of her grandfather's little, white picket fence home. As the wind blew, the grass rippled, the leaves shook, and a single acorn fell and landed at her feet.

She waved at her neighbor Jason Walker as he rode his bike down the street.

The Walkers had always been a quiet bunch. Not many people heard from them. They kept to themselves the majority of the time. And for good reason to. The Walkers, they, well, let’s just say they weren't like other families. They didn't go to church like everyone else. They wore a lot of strange dark clothes.

See, Waterburn was a very religious town. Everyone went to church on Sunday. Everyone knew the Bible like the back of their hand. Everyone except the Walkers. 

Catherine was walking home from school one evening, she decided that she wanted to get home a little early and surprise her little brother David. She cut through one of the alleyways behind the shopping center, but halfway down the long alley, she had a strange feeling. She turned around to see a man not from Waterburn following her. 

Catherine started to run away but the strange man was faster. He cornered her and stared her with lust in his eyes. Too scared to scream, Catherine closed her eyes as tight as she could and covered her ears. About 45 seconds went by but nothing happened. Uneasily, she lowered her hands and opened her eyes to see the stranger laying on the ground unconscious, at the foot of another man. But wait, this is no man. He's just a teenager. 

"Jason... Is that you..?"

“I’m sorry about this Catherine…” He looked down at her with regret in his eyes and a brown bag in hand. “Please don’t fight.” He said right before trying to put the bag over her head. She screamed and called out for help but her scream was cut short by a swift hit to the head.

Waking up strung from a beam by her hands with her feet barely touching the floor, just enough to support her weight. Catherine’s eyes fluttered across the floor of the small, dimly lit room until they locked on a body. It was the same body that she saw in the ally earlier, but there were no clothes on him this time. The chains that suspended her rattled slightly as she tried to turn around to examine the rest of the room.

The back wall was embellished with a plethora of old and rusted tools you would expect to find in the shed of an 80’s horror movie. Still too dazed to understand the full depth of how dire the situation was, Catherine allowed her eyes to drift around the room again. Her eyes soon fell upon herself and discovered that her clothes were gone as well. Large welts and cuts stretched down and across her abdomen and chest; dried blood matted her hair and skin; and a handful of rusted nails were hammered into her thigh.

Suddenly the deafening silence of the dark room was shattered by indiscernible yelling emitting from the other side of the only door to the room. Another voice yelled back, softer and familiar but also indiscernible, which was silenced by a sharp slapping sound. Shortly after a small, decrepit man entered the room. He reached up and pulled on a cord that turned on a pathetically lit bulb. More alert now but still groggy, Catherine cringed at the grotesque sight of the man.

“How are you feelin’ darlin’?” His voice was rough from decades of chain smoking and drinking. “Does yer leg hurt?”

“Don’t touch me…” Catherine protested weakly as he reached down towards the nails.

“What did you just say to me girl?” The man’s face grew dark as he spoke these words.

“I said don’t touch me!” She replied defiantly. The man remained silent and his face still dark. He stepped to the side of Catherine and pulled down on the other end of her chain, raising her completely off the cold, hard, unforgiving ground. The agony caused to her arms was so great that Catherine let out a cry, begging to return to the ground. “This is nothin’ child. The real pain starts in the mornin’.” He turned off the light and walked out of the room without another word, locking the door behind him.

Nicole: Chapter Three

“Good god man! How can you stand to be around that freak?? She’s disgusting! Just watch she is gonna get us sick and it’ll be all your fault!”

“Shut up! Just shut up right now! I will kill you, I swear!” I screamed at Hyde.

“You wouldn’t dare try.” He smirked. “You know you can’t kill me without killing yourself.”

“You don’t think I’ll do it? I’ve tried before! What makes you think I won’t try again!?” I was seriously considering it at that moment. With me gone Hyde can’t mess anything up.

“You wouldn’t do it because you like the abomination. You want to see her again, but god I can’t stomach the thought.”

“Shut up right now! She is perfect just the way she is and there is nothing wrong with her! Absolutely nothing!” I was so infuriated with him, but he was right, I won’t do it. She is the one thing keeping both me and him on this earth. Wait, I do like her. I like Nicole.

I began to smile but it fell short as Hyde interjected, “I told you, idiot. I’m in your head. I know everything you think about.”

“Just sh-”

“Yeah yeah yeah, I know, shut up.”

With that statement I was terrified because he was absolutely silent after that, and that is never a good thing.

“Hey Nicole, how are you?”

“I’m well, how about you?” She replied enthusiastically.

“I’m good, it’s a Tuesday so no classes for me.”

“Wow, nice. Gonna have a lazy day then?”

“Yep yep yep. What about you, any classes today?” I inquired.

“Yeah, sadly but its Journalism so I’m happy.”

“Cool.” There was a short silence. “Last night was fun, I had a great time.”

“Yeah so did I.” She replied.

“Hey, I was wondering,”

“Yes, Jasper?”

“Do you wanna hang out again tonight? We could stay in and watch movies.”

“That sounds nice. What time should I come over?”

“What time would best suit you?” I asked.

“Would seven be good?”

“That’s perfect.”

“Well I have to go to class now. See you later!”

“Bye.” I replied before she hung up the phone. “Hyde, please don’t interrupt us tonight.” Still no reply from him, and since when did I start calling him Hyde. Whatever, I need to clean up some before she gets here tonight.

“Hey Jas! Open up!” Nicole called out through the door, not even knocking.

“Jas?” I questioned as I opened the door.

“Yeah, just trying it out. Do you not like it?”

“No it’s fine. Just caught me off guard.” I smiled at her. “So what movie do you want to watch first?”

She just stood there and laughed at me. “Sweetie, its Tuesday night.” She walked over to my small couch and sat down. “Supernatural always comes first.”

“Oh crap! I completely forgot that it was on tonight!”

She stood up completely distraught. “How could you forget about Supernatural?”

I found something more important. That’s what I wanted to say, but I just shrugged and said, “I don’t know.”

“Well that’s no answer.” She stuck her tongue out at me. “But we do have an hour before it starts, so what are we gonna do till then?”

“We can talk and get to know each other.” I suggested.

“Alrighty then.” She smiled. “You first.” She insisted as she sat back down and patted the cushion next to her.

“Okay, to start,” Sitting down, “Do you like Chinese food?” Her eyes widened and a smile began to creep up on her face. “Should I take that as a yes?”

After blinking a few times repetitively she finally replied. “Yes, yes you should. Lo Mein, Kung Pao, Fried Rice, I’ll eat anything Chinese.”

“Would you like me to order some? Or did you already eat?” The smile on her face grew even larger. “Alright then. What would you like?”

“Surprise me.”

I picked up my phone and called the Chinese place that was right off campus. “Challenge accepted.” I said with a smirk while the phone rang. When the owner picked up, I proceeded to give him my order while speaking in Chinese. Her jaw dropped and I had a hard time not bursting out in laughter.

After I hung up the phone I turned to her and just said, “It’ll be here in about twenty minutes.” She sat there blinking with her gaping jaw trying to reach the floor.

A few seconds passed before she spoke. “You speak Chinese?” Her mouth was still agape slightly.

“Yeah, I also know Japanese. Why is that so surprising?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well that’s no answer.” I grinned at her while she stuck her tongue back out.

“I was just surprised.” She tried to explain.

“Why surprised?”

“Well you are more out of your shell than when we first met, and I’m just learning more about you.”

“I feel more comfortable around you than other people.”

“Awww thank you.” She said as I smiled at her. “Hey, I have a question for you.”

“Okay, I have an answer.”

“Do you consider last night and tonight to be a date?”

“Well,” I sat there and thought about that for a few seconds. “I’m not sure. I don’t know if you wanted it to be date or just friends hanging out. Was it a date?”

She licked her lips before blushing softly and looked away. “Well, I kinda intended it to be a date,” She started slowly. “But it doesn't have to if you don’t want.” She rushed through that second part.

Holy freaking crap! She actually likes me! No, this can’t be happening, not to be. This has to be Hyde screwing with me. But it can’t be, her presence is so much more wonderful than his.

“I want it to count Nicole.” She looked up from the floor then tackled me with a hug, (which I would later find out that she called it a glomp.)

After a few seconds she let go and looking up at me she asked, “So where does this leave us?” She paused. “Are we together, or are we still just friends?”

“To be honest, I am hoping the first option.” I laughed softly. “Because I do like you Nicole.”

“Really?”

“Really really.” We both smiled at each other shortly before Nicole glomped me again.

She held on to me tight until we were interrupted by a knock at the door. Our food was here. We sat back down and continued to talk about stuff like our favourite music, movies, books, our hobbies, interests, and other stuff like that. About half an hour later I just so happened to randomly glace at the clock on the wall and it was two minutes till eight.

“Oh crap! Supernatural is about to start!” I jumped up and grabbed the remote to turn the TV on.

“You forgot again?” She joked at me.

“Oh shush, like you didn't forget too.”

“Shut up.” She stuck her tongue out again.”

“I don’t shut up I grow up and when I look at you I throw up.”

“Oh god, I haven’t seen that movie in years.”

“Well I have it so we can watch it after Supernatural.” I suggested.

“Sounds like a plan.” She smiled.

The rest of the night was nice and peaceful. We watched a few movies after Supernatural ended, cuddling the whole time. Neither of us said anything about cuddling, but it just happened. It was nice and relaxing. I had never felt that calm in my life. Hyde was always there to ruin things. I’ve never felt that comfortable around anyone also. I could be myself and not worry about being judged. For the first time in my life, I felt at home.